Enthusiastically Overwhelmed...

I needed to take a moment away from all of the synthesizing for my paper due on Monday to reflect briefly on how it feels to be excited about actually having tons of things to do while also being extremely overwhelmed. I must say that I feel that in the academic community we often cover up our excitement by complaining or stating that we have tons to do. I personally believe that if you have gone this far to reach doctoral status, then you actually enjoy all of the reading, the writing, and the hours spent talking about research with others.  I personally LOVE IT! I am happy I have the opportunity to do what I do well! So, I plan to embrace my love for reading and writing by telling people about my excitement instead of sharing how overwhelmed I am...starting with who ever reads this.


Peace;)

"no matter how much you have read in your life...you will read more than that in your first semester..."

I have come to realize that pursuing a PhD is life consuming...and yes I said life consuming! Today, I took a few moments to reflect upon what this means for me, and after a few tears I knew that it means changing my every habit in order become a better student and a future scholar. In an effort to get some perspective I emailed a few people that I know have been where I am right now in an effort to get a heads up, and the thing that stuck out was to basically be prepared to be unprepared while still preparing.

In a week I will officially begin my "journey to the PhD", and while I try and act like I am dreading this moment...I am the most excited I have ever been in my life about ANYTHING! I was told by a one of the most inspiring women I know several things. The one that excited me the most was that"no matter how much I have read in life...I will read more than that in my first semester...". My response is "Bring it on!" Ms. Carter, (both Annie and Betty)this is for you.

Academic insecurity?

I was fooled! No seriously, I was fooled.  See, I thought that simply because I was taking a Masters' level class that would count towards my doctoral credits that the class would be sort of simple! I was WRONG!!!! First, not having a formal background in the field of education means that I have to stay up to date on the background knowledge in the field while I read in order to at least make it seem as if I know what I am talking about.  On top of that, I am in an accelerated course, which means in four weeks, my twenty page paper is due.  By next Saturday my take home is due (which I mistakenly thought was due this Saturday), and by the following Saturday my observation assignment is due, which took forever to decide what I would do.  In addition, every time I post a response only one person responds to my post, and I am required to respond to at least two responses.

I continuously feel as if I am behind and that my work is incomprehensible since no one responds.  I don't know if my feelings are coming from academic/intellectual insecurities, unpreparedness, or both. Well, whatever it is... some changes are in order.  Anyhow, today I will be staying up until around 2 a.m. in order to play catch up, but this is the life I elected to live.

Later Gators;)

I Stay Woke!

So, before I begin my rant I would just like to say that I am currently taking Anthropology and Education at the Master's level as a Doctoral student, which you would know if you read my previous post.  I am the only Doctoral student in the course.  So, maybe I was being a little naive when I assumed that everyone in my course would be just as overly excited as I was. Well, I was wrong! I have turned in all of my assignments on time and had the material read for Saturday...yesterday, but as I look around in my inbox and talk to others in the course they are totally not feeling it, which affects my grade since I have to respond to the things that they share.  As I look back, I see a pattern that started during third or fourth grade...I used to stay up tossing and turning all night out of the anticipation of going back to school for the Fall, seeing my friends, learning new things, only to find that all of my other classmates were angry about coming back.  This affected my mood.  School immediately became uncool!

I feel this same pattern emerging. The only problem is that in order to be in a doctoral program school has to be cool with a capital C.  It has to be more than a means to an end, but instead each moment has to be cherished because ANYONE can be nonchalant and angry, but not EVERYONE is given this chance (I was barely given this chance). To be complacent and apathetic is a crime!  I realize today that if I allow this attitude to seep into my thinking, I will definitely fail, and failure is NOT an option.
This brings to mind the issue of why there are so few people of color in doctoral programs or master programs for that matter.  Why don't we enjoy learning inside or outside of the academy?  Why has the academy become inaccessible, and why is there separatism between the traditional disciplines and new and up and coming areas of study? Why is school uncool? How can each one teach one, if no one is willing to listen, contemplate, and transform? Today, I woke up! It doesn't take fifteen letter words or a ivy league education (or a Big Ten education for that matter) to be a learned individual.  I learned to listen to ancestors who already knew what life would have in store for me. So, this journey is in recognition and dedication to all of my kin-teachers who believed in me....my mother Betty Phyllis, my grandmother Annie Dee, and my father who always knew that I would be a Master Teacher...

In the words of Erykah Badu..."What if there were no Niggas only Master teachers...I stay woke!"

The Future Dr. Carter

Cheers to New Beginnings!

I started my first class two days ago, which was phenomenal! My professor was SO into the subject being discussed! I guess that happens when you truly love what you do! Anywho, my goal is to come to a place of love for my area of research and not let others suck that love out of me.  I already feel that I have a dissertation topic in mind.  It will be something dealing with sexuality, gender, and urban education.

I have also decided to get really organized! I learned a lot from those around me, and that sounds like my best bet at this point.  

So, for class we have to read Coming of Age in Samoa by Margaret Mead, and I think I will be writing my final paper on her work, which deals with the puberty and sexuality of adolescent females in Samoa.  It would be great to compare her work with conceptualizations of sexuality that take place in educational settings. 

I have a lot of ideas.  I am really happy and excited.  I am finally moved in too! The transition is truly beginning.